Is that cake? A rant

Ok, so, where to start?

Have you ever had someone telling you what you shouldn’t be eating?  Of course you have.

“are you sure you want that piece of cake?”

“naughty, naughty”

“a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips!”

I think it’s become such common practice that people don’t even realise they are doing it.

One such incident always sticks with me.

It was probably 5 or years ago.  ‘Recovering’ from ED, I would spend one to two hours a night at the gym, I monitored each and every bite that entered my mouth – I don’t think at the time I was keeping a physical food diary, and I had gotten over the fear of eating out.  I was probably wearing a UK size 6, but it would have been loose.

Saturdays were my ‘treat day’.  I would do two hours of exercise classes, then pop down to a cafe and have a drink and a treat.  I remember I would look forward to it all week. I would plan in advance what I wanted from the cake stand – would it be a crumpet, a slice of carrot cake, a teacake, or perhaps a pastry?

I just tell you this to give you background.

One day as I was eating my carrot cake there was a knock at the window.  I looked up to see a friendly lady from my gym class wagging her finger at me. She mouthed something about undoing all my hard work.

Of course, I was hit by guilt – I shouldn’t be eating that slice of cake.

But then I stopped and thought – “what on earth did she think my hard work was for?!?!”

I was fit, I was slim, physically I was healthy (my mental state around food and exercise and eating patterns not so healthy).

I finished my cake and left with my head held high.  I never confronted her about it, but it’s stuck with me.

It happened again yesterday – I came back from the farmers market with a cake box in hand.  A lady I know from gym classes at work came past: “I hope that’s not cake”

“Yes it is” I replied “I’ve got my sister over to stay tonight”

“Excuses excuses, you’ll just have to work harder next week”

She did then backtrack somewhat and said I would probably have burned it all off by Monday.  But still, the comment was out there, and I was relying on my strength of conviction to ward off the guilt.

I didn’t eat the cake. I didn’t order the take away I had planned.

That was my choice, I’m not saying anyone forced me to do anything against my will.  I’m not even saying that if the incidents hadn’t happened, the outcome would be any different.

kindNow, perhaps they were saying to me, what they were saying to themselves.  Perhaps they were/are at a different point in their journey, and justifying themselves.  But words have consequences, not necessarily for you.

There are people who use words as a weapon, the “I can’t eat that, I won’t let you enjoy it either” attitude.

As I mentioned in the title – this is just a rant, I dont’ know what I’m saying or what the take away message is.

So I’ll leave you with a happier note, because this is how my life is at the moment:

kitty eats

No questions, but I’d love to hear your thoughts 🙂 

Have a great weekend!

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5 thoughts on “Is that cake? A rant

  1. worldofmee October 11, 2014 at 9:42 am Reply

    Haha – Love the cat pic – Mush stole a bit of chocolate from me yesterday. She took it right out of my hand and went to the floor to crunch it before deciding she didn’t like it. I think it was her saying I shouldn’t have been eating it 😉

    • Emily Hawkes October 12, 2014 at 6:22 am Reply

      Haha, aww, gotta love Mush. She wouldn’t be telling you such a thing – she just wanted to share the experience 🙂

  2. emvardz October 11, 2014 at 11:39 pm Reply

    I was talking about this a few days ago with my friend who is also in recovery. After a lot of complaining about how insensitive people can be, we decided our new motto: “If it tastes good, it is good for me”. After depriving ourselves of enjoyable food for so long, I think we deserve a little (or big!) treat every so often. Don’t let anybody guilt you for that cake – enjoy it! 🙂

    • Emily Hawkes October 12, 2014 at 6:21 am Reply

      That’s an excellent motto 🙂 Thank you for taking the time to share your wonderful insights 🙂 xx

  3. […] I bought some treats at the market – which inspired my post over the weekend: Is that cake? A rant. […]

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